My Virginal Real Housewife Blog Post!

When I started this blog, it was inevitable that I would write about Real Housewives. I watch all of them religiously. I tweet like someone possessed! I then get riled up by adrenaline and wine. I calm down by calling watch what happens hoping my carefully written questions will be selected by producers even thought I slur the words with my affected, southern, gay-inflected voice. It’s cringe-worthy.

So, do I write posts about each episode? I can’t drink, tweet, and formulate a written response? I don’t have it in me. But it’s been a few days and I can still deliver an opinionated recap faster than an Atlanta Housewife (even thirsty Kenya). So, let’s do this!

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Juicy Joe is in jail making prison wine at Fort Dix with Apollo, so Theresa is untouchable. Even Jacqueline said she cried when she saw a pic of them hugging on the internet. So… why wear a “Namast’ay away From Me” t-shirt to Dolores’s kitchen reveal?


And why go to the SUV and pout while Joe Gorga tells your husband that you were out of line in? Okay Jac, that was a “producer” who honked your horn.  And why fake sick so you can avoid Dolores’s second event of the season/episode? You don’t have a book your pushing… oh, wait! I want to love you Jaqueline … but I love me more!

And why go after Theresa? She is not the brightest bulb on the Ramadan-dan Tree. She gets a pass. She was in “camp” and she oversaw the writing of her most personal book yet! I say… let the woman lead yoga!

I know she looks like a muppet, but I LOVE Siggy! And her mother is a dear!

All we need to make this season more dramatic is a fashion show… where is Kim D. when we need her? OH, she is going to sit with Jacqueline at Melissa’s first ever Envy Fashion Show. You know Melissa named her store Envy because she wanted Kim D. to be seething in it—and it WORKED! But fashion is hard! Events are hard! Managing an Instagram account (even more than one) is hard! You know Joe is just waiting for it all to implode so he can spend less time with kids and more time trying to make them. Oh well… I guess we will see how it plays out at the season finale next week!

Real Housewives of Orange County

Yay! We get to pick up where we left off! A dark bus-ride with Kelly yelling at Shannon.

Twitter figured out Vicki was going around saying David hits Shannon. Twitter has been saying for YEARS that Eddie is gay. This is not news. Kelly being crazy is not news. Heather not wanting to be associated with this behavior is not news.

What is news is Vicki wearing a shirt that says “PEACE LOVE.” To quote Alanis Morrisette… “Who would have thought? It figures!


There really is not a lot that happened. Another Kelly/Vicki apology tour and Tamra was the only one who got the email to buy tickets! Jesus made her do it—or was it her spiritual advisors with the abs?

And apparently Heather is to blame for everything! I mean, as Kelly put it, she is the puppet! And everyone else is the master… uh… I really wonder how they cast these shows?

I am just glad Tamra won the fitness competition!

She looks great and overcame a big hurdle (in all seriousness). I can’t wait for next week so we can watch Krispy Kremes fall to the floor.

I also can’t wait for Meghan to blame Heather for everything in regards to Kelly… I blame the pregnancy,


Seriously… my luck on getting on this show SUCKS lately. I was dying to talk to Tamra again because she is one of my favorites and Shannon is always good TV. I knew my question would work. It was not “first caller” worthy but I was sure I could make it before the third commercial break. My question was, “Do any of you ladies really think that Heather is a ‘Puppet Master’?” Of course I am paraphrasing because Kelly can’t form a coherent sentence. I know it was a great question, because Andy asked it first off!

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